Relationship Redo

Remodeling can undo more than floors

It can also jackhammer your relationship. The key to surviving a renovation with as few marital hiccups as possible is to know what you're getting into in advance, says Mark Lambert, owner of DreamMaker Bath & Kitchen of Bellingham, Washington, and to throw in a hearty dose of flexibility, humor, and patience along the way.

Below are his other suggestions to ensure smooth sailing:

• Know your bottom line. Money is the primary cause of arguments in a marriage. Add in a renovation project, and it's a whole new source of stress. create an agreed-upon budget, then be frank about your limits with your remodeler.
• Go slow. Don't rush into your remodel. That will only add tension. Take the time to research ideas and remodelers. "It should feel right to both of you," says Lambert. "You are considering performing surgery on a major emotional and financial asset."
• Appoint someone to be the leader. To avoid unnecessary work (or conflict), one of you should be responsible for the daily interactions and conversations with the remodeler.
• Go with the flow. "You'll be presented with ideas and products you may not have considered," says Lambert. By having an open mind, you'll be less likely to zig when the other zags.
• Have a long-term plan. Whatever your reason for remodeling, agree upon the goal beforehand. Different goals foster different expectations; if you're looking for perfection while your husband merely wants a sprucing up, you'll butt heads.
• Get your relationship on solid ground. "Are you experiencing problems in your relationship?" asks Lambert. "If you are, remodeling will probably make things worse."